Friendship, Faith and Disillusion
Posted Sábado 7 mayo 2005on:
A few days ago, after sending her an email, I received news from a friend who lives Montreal.
She and I have studied music together for 5 years, stopped after the Bachelor’s degree at the same time, and she has now been accepted, after many auditions, to go study at the Manhattan School of Music! How exciting is that?! Curiously, while reading the news, I thought I was going to have some little jealousy in the stomach, because she’s still in the field I was enjoying myself so much… But no, our lives have become so different in so many ways. I don’t regret decisions that I’ve made, like leaving my dream-career behind and marrying the love of my life instead. I think that now I fear for that friend, yes I am worried, because she had realized a few things at the same time as me 2 years ago, and it seems to me she has forgotten those “revelations”… Life didn’t teach her the same way as me. Anyway, I didn’t mean to focus this post on her. All I wanted was to talk about “friendship”, and that’s why I started to talk about her, because she is a good example of what friendship was and has become for me.
We met while studying music, and therefore shared the same passion since the beginning. We were both 17 and, as for most people, it was the time of self-examination, wondering about the meaning of life, after life, the world of the unseen (do you believe in God? in phantoms? in spirits? etc.) We had both a catholic background, but we were also curious about what the other religions and beliefs had to say, anything “New Age” or Asiatic. Unfortunately, one question that I couldn’t find any answer, I understood it much later, is: “What is love?” and “Were does love come from?”. Christianity is the only religion that explains it (more about this later).
So that friend and I became close while searching for a spiritual life. Our paths eventually separated for a year, when she was finishing college and I was wondering where to go next… During that time she “accepted Jesus into her life” and I was going to Bible studies organized by Christian students/friends. Being catholic is a “Christian” religion, right? So why not learn about our own faith reading and studying the Bible, instead of looking for a spiritual life in the Asian culture? That’s what I was thinking: I was seeing Faith as part of the Culture (with a capital “C”, thanks to my parents…).
We both eventually entered the same year to study at the Conservatoire de Musique de Montreal. As a “good” Christian, she wanted to do something faith-related, so she asked out loud to anyone who could hear her if they wanted to commit themselves to one hour of Bible study per week (that is, so they would eventually “accept God” into their life…) Well, I had been to a few already and found it interesting… D was the “wise man” in our little group that started with the 3 of us… To make a long story short, she finally convinced me that I had to “make the first step” in order to “accept Jesus”… Whatever.
Today, after years of reading the Bible daily with my husband, I learned that one doesn’t “accept Jesus” neither “makes the first step”. This is all bullshit! I’ll explain all this another day, however.
Where was I? Oh, yes. In spite of our differences, or because of our common faith, I always considered her as a very good friend. D later told me that she often didn’t act as a worthy friend, and would criticize my behavior to others behind my back… Must have been something like, “Don’t you find Noelia is a bit too much over-exited?” or “Don’t you find she laughed too loud? How immature!” (I am either too quiet or too loud, depending of my surroundings). What a good Christian love! Fortunately, or sadly, I was too naive at that time to notice what was really going on.
D and I finally fell in love… At that time, I was asking God to give me wisdom to know what to do in this relationship (Was this love? I mean, The Real Love, really?…) Suddenly, all those “friends” from the Conservatoire were becoming irritable or jealous of our relationship, and I learned from that girl herself that they had all been talking against us (including her). What the heck?!! Aren’t they dating themselves and f*cking whoever they want?! Why, because we were spending a lot of time together, would they find two lovers annoying?!
When we decided to get married, we asked M if she wanted to be a witness at our wedding. She refused! WTF! The only thing we needed from her is to sign the paper that says “I was there”… but no, she made the whole thing complicated in her mind saying that she had to be explained our relationship, because she couldn’t understand. Well, little girl, grow up!
BTW, she came. She was there the day of the wedding. Of course, she didn’t sign, my mom and a good friend of ours did. A lot of hypocrites were there too… and others, real good friends. At least now I know were everyone stands.
I have to tell that I have a few very good friends who live in France and other parts of the world. We haven’t lived in the same country for years, but the few times when we talk over the phone or write, our friendship is alive! They were all glad to learn that I was happy, that I was marrying the man I loved (and still do), and are now eager to find time (and money) to visit us, or are bugging us to visit them… Isn’t friendship what is all about? Being there to listen, share joy and sadness, without judging?